Becoming more open with my struggles

Anxiety is something that many people face in this country but yet so many people continue to struggle alone.

The last few weeks have been so hard. I haven’t gone a day without anxiety since July when my anxiety ramped up again. I’ve been relying on lorazepam more than I’d like to admit just to feel some sense or normalcy. But even then those punch in the gut moments of anxiety still sneak thru. And lately I’m feeling more alone than ever in my struggle. Even though I know other people feel the way I do I can’t help but think that this struggle is so lonely. People don’t open up about their struggles very often myself included so it’s hard to find people to connect with. When I feel sensations in my body that I’m convinced mean I’m dying who can I turn to without coming off as my worst fear, crazy. It’s even harder with a failing mental health system to feel like you can get the help you need. Most people just prescribe me more medicine but what about the fact that I’m absolutely terrified to try the medication after the first one caused a really bad panic attack. Is there another way? I’m sure many of you are feeling the same way and many of you are like me, sick and tired of letting this annoying anxiety rule your life.

So starting today I’ve decided to fight back. I’ve decided that enough is enough and I just can’t let it rule my life anymore. It’s not going to be easy it’s going to be really hard but nothing else is working so why not try. I will be documenting my daily fight against anxiety that will be done without a daily medication because unless there’s a dr to tell me I’m okay while taking it I’ll never be successful with my mindset I have towards medicine. I may need lorazepam once in a while but I will not be taking it everyday.

I plan to let my body feel the anxiety to accept that it’s okay. To know that I will feel scary sensations that will send my mind into a craze but to know that I will be okay I just have to keep pushing thru it. I feel it’s the only way my body will accept my anxiety for what it is. Anxiety. Nothing more and nothing less.

I hope to help other people struggling in the meantime and if you ever need someone to relate to I’m always here to listen.

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